Itís a trilogy of fun this morning: my head hurts, my stomach hurts and I didnít sleep worth a damn. I really needed another half hour or so to address the stomach issues but I was already 10 minutes late, so I didnít really have MORE time to deal with it. Iím not sure how Iím going to make the entire day though.
And last night, my subconscious decided it would be loads of fun to give me nightmares. All night long, dreams about people I love dying and me being left alone. Awesome. That sort of shit scares me already, normally as it is. I would lose my apartment and have no place to go with no money whatsoever if something happened. Even more so now that Randís gone because he at least had a house with a guest bedroom. But if something happened to LoveÖIíd have no place to go.
I am so not ready to face the day today. I so donít want to be here. (Which is why Iím stalling and writing up an entry instead of making my calls.) Iím so on the edge of tears right now, itís absurd. Even typing this, I canít think about it too much or Iím going to cry. Today feels like one of those real, ďIím going to totally break downĒ days. These tenuous threads Iím clinging to are so frayed they canít hold anymore.
Anyway, what else is new? Iím broken. Iím damaged. Iím exhausted. And I donít want to face the world. Broken record these days.
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