32 year old Pagan
female who lives in Florida with her guy and two cats, loves Disney,
reads fanatically, tinkers in photography and believes growing up is
overrated.
Deals with several chronic health
concerns and worked part-time as an Admin Assist until the company
closed in November 2009. Looking once again for a part time job.
Also runs her own small business,
PhoenixFire Designs.
Help support Pet Cancer Awareness
I lost my beloved cat,
Kush, to cancer in 2003. Cancer is the #1 disease-related cause of death
for cats and dogs. With your support, together we can find a cure
ASPCA
The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
details
"seasons greetings 2009" ver.
25
originally created 12/7/09 and designed for 1024x768 or larger,
CSS capable browser Like
There are people on the net that
have nothing better to do with their time then be nasty to other
people online. They post rude comments, spend hours a day talking
about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a day
talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for
their opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone
to fit into their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw
a temper tantrum.
To these people I say
grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the
web is a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am,
or what I do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my
hair, or whatever asinine thing you dwell on,
go somewhere else. It's really, really easy. Honest. You just
click the little "x" in the corner of your browser and *poof* the
offending, big, mean and nasty site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine.
That means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like
it if I'm bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go
somewhere else. Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too
fucking bad, don't read them. Somewhere along the line, someone
forgot this simple fact: Live and let live
Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care. This
journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to
write and express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So
read or don't, it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours)
bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
: : seasons greetings : :
my handcrafted jewelry, wearable
horns and more!
all hand made
M. Turner
Po Box 1484
Elfers, FL 34680
Dreamhost is a great webhost with a TON of bandwidth and features. I
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Sunday, March 28, 2010
Week In Review Once again, I find the entire week has gone by and I've intended pretty much every day to get around to writing an update, but there simply aren't enough hours in a week, let alone in a day right now. So here's an overview of the week...
Monday, March 22nd Went back to work after the week off following Rand's passing and funeral services. It was tough. I wound up having to talk about it most of the day and I came close to breaking down a few times, but I managed to snuffle back tears most of the day.
Janet - who's training me - is really nice and took it easy on me. Even though I've been doing calls myself before my week off, she realized I had brain mush and let me listen in to her for the morning calls, took me for a walking tour of the building and then had me help out in the afternoon on the data entry side, but didn't make me talk to anyone. Which was nice. I just wasn't ready to be chipper.
Tuesday, March 23rd Spent most of the day doing calls on my own which was fine as Janet was having car problems that morning and didn't get in until after 12pm. We worked together for a bit in the afternoon but since she leaves at 2:30pm, most of the day it was just me.
After work that night, I went and got my hair cut. My sister had given me a gift certificate for a place right down the road that she won. I've had it for a few weeks but with everything going on, I didn't get a chance to arrange an appointment. My sister lives about 40 minutes away so she figured I could use it. Plus, as usual, it had been like eight months or something since I had gotten my hair cut and it was all annoying. Too long to be short but too short to be long. Plus, it just wasn't styling right anymore. I had never been to the salon but the lady was nice and did a good job. Only cost me the $10 tip which was nice too. I cut it to skirt my shoulders again with some long, face-framing layers. It's a simple, easy to care for style and I like it. Maybe one day I'll get a pic but don't hold your breath waiting for it. Heh.
Wednesday, March 24th Wednesdays are my day off but the moment I was conscious, before I even opened my eyes, there was a full-blown migraine waiting for me. Ugh. Love took a half day and came home around 12:30pm because we had to meet Rand's mom and step-dad at his house to help them pack up the truck of things they were taking to the storage unit. We got there and found out something awful.
See, every year for like eight years now, we carved pumpkins together with Rand at Halloween. A few years back, we realized it was silly to spend all that time and make awesome pumpkins just to throw them away a couple days later. So we all switched to the fake (foam) ones. And every year, we all carved one or two and were building up a great collection. (You can see last year's display here) We had all of them, plus the tools, pattern books and uncarved pumpkins purchased on clearance after Halloween for next year stored in Rand's attic. (Since every year we went to his house to decorate his yard and hand out candy to his neighborhood kids.)
Well, we get there and turns out, they took EVERYTHING - all of the pumpkins, decorations, tools, books, etc - all of it, to the dump.. Even though we TOLD them that our pumpkins were stored there. And even though they KNEW we always got together every Halloween to carve pumpkins. They just put it all in bags and took it to the compactor.
I was devastated. I still am.
Besides the fact that you're talking about hundreds of dollars in pumpkins, tools, books, etc. (as each pumpkin is like $20 and there were like a dozen of them), more importantly, it's something we did together. It was stuff we can't ever get back. Rand will never carve pumpkins with us again and all the ones that should have been with us for years to come were heartlessly thrown away and destroyed.
I honestly had nightmares that night over how upset I was.
The day was awful because the migraine never got better so here I was, with a full-blown attack, crying because they threw our pumpkins away and helping pack up and do heavy lifting. It was a horrible day.
Thursday, March 25th Since I never got a chance to rest, my migraine didn't go anywhere and stuck around through Thursday. I called into work because I was in so much blinding pain I couldn't function. Love had really killed his back carrying all the heavy furniture as Rand's step-dad had massive back and hip surgery and just can't move much himself. Poor Love also has a severe sprain in his left elbow (and he's left-handed) so right now he can't lift his arm pretty much higher then chest level and all that stress and carrying didn't help. I told him to take the day as well, so we both mainly rested Thursday. Besides a run to the store, it was a very low-key day.
Friday, March 26th I did another type of call at work Friday which is a more important call when there are problems and we're tying to research what is wrong. It involves more codes and more steps and isn't quite as "scripted" as the check-up calls we do. It was the first day I had done them by myself and it went pretty good.
Yesterday, Love had to run to his folk's house after work to mow their lawn since his uncle was coming into town and his dad wanted it done before then. (Love and his brother mow the lawn and the neighbor's lawn since Love's dad has no feeling in his feet due to diabetes.) Since he was down that way, he stopped by our favorite Chinese restaurant to bring dinner home. Problem was, it got here and I started crying.
Love's been going there for like 25 years. And they know him there. So the owner always throws in so many extras. Those extras always went to Rand. We'd put a package together for him since he loved the place too and it was way too much food for just us. So I'm taking the stuff out of the box to plate and just broke down realizing all that was going to go to waste. Fucking sucks how it happens like that. Just going about your day and WHAM! something reminds you so painfully that your best friend is gone. Little, stupid shit.
Saturday, March 27th Rand reffed a local youth soccer league every Saturday morning for several months a year for ten years. He loved soccer and volunteered his time to the group. They had their 10 year anniversary the day he died. (March 13th.) He had been a dedicated volunteer, getting up early every single Saturday of the season to donate his time for all ten years. So this morning, they had a small ceremony, a moment of silence and a balloon release for him. We got up early to be there at 9am for it. We aren't big soccer fans and we used to tease him good-naturedly about how weekends were for sleeping in, not getting up to ref! So we laughed today at the irony that he finally managed to get us up and on the field early on a Saturday morning.
I had another blinding migraine all day today mixed with a pressure/sinus headache and spend most of my day in a horrible, painful fog. We made it to Target and Publix and I couldn't take more then that so we went home and I laid down for a bit with an ice pack on my eyes.
Later, we had to run over to Rand's as a friend was coming over to get his bike since he needed a new one anyway and everyone's trying to make sure anything that can be used, gets taken by someone rather then going to Salvation Army.
Beyond all that, we've been by Rand's every day this week. Between feeding the kitties (who are still over there but will probably be going to his mom's house tomorrow or the next day), bringing people over to take things they can use, helping Love's brother load up the tv and other items, pretty much we've been there a few hours every single day.
It's weird because it's getting very empty now and almost all the furniture is gone. What isn't already gone will be gone tomorrow when Rob takes a bunch of leftover pieces (he's getting a new house and needs stuff for it anyway) and the few remaining items will go to Salvation Army sometime next week. I still don't know what they're doing with the house but...his step-dad is in a hurry to get it cleared out.
So tomorrow is another day of helping load and move things, then driving down to Love's parent's house for dinner with the uncle and then BAM, the weekend is gone again. It's just so hard because our apartment is a war zone. Between bringing over a lot of items ourselves, to not having time to clean the apartment, to exhaustion, the place is terrible. And we're just so damned tired and stretched thin and not sleeping and like I said - not enough hours in the week. I'm still SO overwhelmed and it's just so hard to keep going like this. It's hard enough for anyone but throw in chronic illness and chronic fatigue issues on top of it - when you already feel like ass 99.9% of the time in the best of conditions, then be stressed, don't sleep or rest and try to run from sunup to way past sundown - something's got to give.
So...yeah. That's been my week in summery. I started writing this at 12:23am and it's now 1:04am so you see it's just another thing there's not enough time for and why I haven't had a chance to make updates before now.
Life is still really chaos and tears right now and I just want it to stop being so damned hard and I really need to just stop for awhile by choice because otherwise, I'm going to do so without a say in the matter. I just don't know when I have time to stop which makes me all the more tired and more ready to collapse. I'm worried about everything and frustrated about everything and I just feel like it's all too damned much to deal with and I really don't know how much longer things can go on like this.
