32 year old Pagan
female who lives in Florida with her guy and two cats, loves Disney,
reads fanatically, tinkers in photography and believes growing up is
overrated.
Deals with several chronic health
concerns and worked part-time as an Admin Assist until the company
closed in November 2009. Looking once again for a part time job.
Also runs her own small business,
PhoenixFire Designs.
Help support Pet Cancer Awareness
I lost my beloved cat,
Kush, to cancer in 2003. Cancer is the #1 disease-related cause of death
for cats and dogs. With your support, together we can find a cure
ASPCA
The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
details
"seasons greetings 2009" ver.
25
originally created 12/7/09 and designed for 1024x768 or larger,
CSS capable browser Like
There are people on the net that
have nothing better to do with their time then be nasty to other
people online. They post rude comments, spend hours a day talking
about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a day
talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for
their opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone
to fit into their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw
a temper tantrum.
To these people I say
grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the
web is a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am,
or what I do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my
hair, or whatever asinine thing you dwell on,
go somewhere else. It's really, really easy. Honest. You just
click the little "x" in the corner of your browser and *poof* the
offending, big, mean and nasty site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine.
That means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like
it if I'm bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go
somewhere else. Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too
fucking bad, don't read them. Somewhere along the line, someone
forgot this simple fact: Live and let live
Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care. This
journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to
write and express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So
read or don't, it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours)
bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
: : seasons greetings : :
my handcrafted jewelry, wearable
horns and more!
all hand made
M. Turner
Po Box 1484
Elfers, FL 34680
Dreamhost is a great webhost with a TON of bandwidth and features. I
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Monday, March 15, 2010
Stream of Consciousness Random thoughts spinning in my head right now...Sorry in advance if they are chaotic and/or disorganized.
Last few days have been surreal and yet horrible at the same time. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that we are NEVER going to do anything with Rand. Ever again. That just doesn't seem possible.
Tracked down a bunch of friends and coworkers of Rand's the last 24 hours, called his old job, and generally tried to make sure everyone who would want to know about his passing did.
The "viewing" is Wednesday 5pm-7pm and the actual service is Thursday, March 18th at 11am. One month to the day since Love's birthday. And two days shy of one month that we had Love's birthday party at Rand's house.
Love's birthday party was one week exactly from the day he called 911 and went into the ER and had surgery. One tiny week between fun, normal, celebratory state of mind with everyone gathered at his house to the last time we would ever see him awake and conscious ever again.
I called my boss and left him a message Sunday afternoon. Told him I didn't think I'd be in this week. He knew what had been going on because it all happened five days after I started the job. I started on February 22nd, and Rand went to the hospital February 27th. So pretty much my entire duration at my job I've been a bit of a wreck. I know I need the job and that it took 3 months to find it and such but I just...can't. I can't be on the phone, chipper, talking to clients right now. I just can't be that person. I can barely get up and out of bed and start my day right now.
Tomorrow I have to shop for clothes to wear. I don't own any dresses or skirts at all let alone black ones. I do have one pair of black dress slacks but I don't have dark dress shoes or shirt. So I need to figure out what the hell I'm going to wear. Especially since we have two days of services. Since we're basically going to be standing there with the family as kinda representatives of his family, we really need to be there the whole time. Besides his mom and step-dad, we are the closest people to him. And everyone who knew him, knew he was like a brother to us.
My never-ending new glasses saga continues to never end. It made me sad to realize this has gone on so long that Rand was alive and well when I ordered them initially. Now he's gone and I still don't have them.
First pair - flawed lenses. (Permanent "smears" on the glass from defective machine anti-glare coating.)
Second pair - fish bowl. (So much distortion that even after 24 hours, I was sick, dizzy and couldn't judge any perspective at all.)
Third pair - more fish bowl. (I told them I think I needed the "high definition" lenses that don't distort. The manager told me no, I needed smaller frames. So I had to pick out a less wide frame and wait all over again.)
Fourth pair - Finally, the right lenses (the distortion-free, high performance ones). But, when I got home, I realized they too were flawed. Both lenses have what looks almost like a "finger print" right smack dab in the middle of each lens. It's in the glass though and won't come off.
We're now at two flawed lenses, two frame selections and 26 days of waiting. The real pain in the ass is that I've had to wait on the lenses twice now. Pair #2 they were out of my prescription. Pair #4 is special order since it's the "high definition" lenses. So, getting another special order pair means another week to get them a second time.
They claim only 5% of people cannot wear the polycarbonate lenses - the ones that are unbearably distorting. I find it hard to believe. It was so bad for me that I can't see how anyone could wear them. But if it's true, it just goes along with all my other, weird sensitivities. I'm not allergic to "normal" things; I'm allergic to things like glycerin and UV light. Why not polycarbonate eyewear as well?
Wound up going to a hockey game on Sunday. Two friends of Love's said they were stealing us for the night to take us to dinner. Turns out, they fibbed and took us to a Lightning game instead. They got these tickets from another coworker who's Dad has like a box and stuff so we wound up in this "Party" suite with like free food, leather chairs, etc. It was cool but I can't say Love or I have ever paid less attention to a game in our life. We just couldn't focus on it. Plus, we both broke down after the first period thinking about how much Rand would have loved it since he was a huge hockey fan as well and we had gone to many games with him over the years. (Love even got to go to Game Seven of the Stanley Cup Finals the year the Lightning won with Rand.) It was just really bittersweet.
I just read skimmed through the past four or five days worth of LJ posts but it's definitely possible I've missed things, or things from realistically, the past two weeks Rand was in the hospital. Sorry. I didn't really comment on much either because I just kinda wanted to try to catch up a tiny bit.
Thanks to everyone for the thoughts and kind words. I don't think I have the strength right now to go through and reply to each one personally, but it really did mean a lot to see the support. So please consider yourself thanked.
Anyway, I think that's all the thoughts (mostly) spinning through right now that I can put into words to talk about. I am just really kinda lost and adrift at the moment and this is the first time I'm going through this kind of thing with someone who was so close to me and so much a part of our lives. I've never been so personally close to death I guess so I'm really just...lost right now.
I'm also tired. So I'm going to stop babbling since I've been typing for like a half hour now and probably get ready and go to bed.
Thanks again for everyone's thoughts. Please continue to keep his family in your thoughts if possible. It's a really trying time on us all and his mom especially. (Who is now burying her second of two sons. Both her children are gone and we can't help but worry for her now as well.)
