32 year old Pagan
female who lives in Florida with her guy and two cats, loves Disney,
reads fanatically, tinkers in photography and believes growing up is
overrated.
Deals with several chronic health
concerns and worked part-time as an Admin Assist until the company
closed in November 2009. Looking once again for a part time job.
Also runs her own small business,
PhoenixFire Designs.
Help support Pet Cancer Awareness
I lost my beloved cat,
Kush, to cancer in 2003. Cancer is the #1 disease-related cause of death
for cats and dogs. With your support, together we can find a cure
ASPCA
The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
details
"seasons greetings 2009" ver.
25
originally created 12/7/09 and designed for 1024x768 or larger,
CSS capable browser Like
There are people on the net that
have nothing better to do with their time then be nasty to other
people online. They post rude comments, spend hours a day talking
about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a day
talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for
their opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone
to fit into their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw
a temper tantrum.
To these people I say
grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the
web is a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am,
or what I do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my
hair, or whatever asinine thing you dwell on,
go somewhere else. It's really, really easy. Honest. You just
click the little "x" in the corner of your browser and *poof* the
offending, big, mean and nasty site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine.
That means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like
it if I'm bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go
somewhere else. Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too
fucking bad, don't read them. Somewhere along the line, someone
forgot this simple fact: Live and let live
Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care. This
journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to
write and express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So
read or don't, it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours)
bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
: : seasons greetings : :
my handcrafted jewelry, wearable
horns and more!
all hand made
M. Turner
Po Box 1484
Elfers, FL 34680
Dreamhost is a great webhost with a TON of bandwidth and features. I
use them myself.
use MISSM25OFF
for $25 off!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
I don't even know what to type. I feel like I need to write something because I have this overwhelming panic inside me just bubbling up right under the surface so it feels like I need to get it out somehow.
I am at work right now on lunch for another few minutes. I barely made it in this morning and couldn't help but start crying when I did first get here. I'm such a mess. This isn't normally me. It's embarassing feeling so obviously damaged and publically wounded. I guess the animal part of my brain wants to run and hide so the world doesn't know I'm vunerable right now.
People have reassured me that grief represnting itself as extreme anxiety and panic is normal and that's reassuring to a small degree. Because it sure doesn't feel normal. It feels like I'm some freak who is overreacting or something; like no one else acts like this so there must be something wrong with me personally.
Just I am so broken right now and it feels like I will never be "normal" or whole again. It's just everything, you know? I think this entire month of hell has really turned my life, my perspective, my sense of self and world view on it's head. It's like some horrible catalyst triggering this shift in reality and I'm lost, floundering not sure how to navigate through this terrifying new world order.
Anyway lunch is over. Guess I need to go back to my desk. It's the last thing I want to do but I'm here so I need to push through or at least try. It's just so hard walking through this fog when nonone else feels this way; I can't understand how the rest of the world is going on as if nothing has changed. It scares me that I have changed.
Anyway ramblings and pondering for another time I guess. Back to the grind for me.
