29 year old Pagan
female who lives in Florida with her guy and two cats, loves Disney,
reads fanatically, tinkers in photography and believes growing up is
overrated
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Cancer Awareness
I lost my beloved cat,
Kush,
to cancer in 2003. Cancer is the #1 disease-related cause of death
for cats and dogs. With your support, together we can find a cure
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"an autumn wind" ver. 14
originally created 9/28/06 - 9/29/06
and
designed for
1024x768
CSS capable browser
Like
There are people on the net that
have nothing better to do with their time then be nasty to other
people online. They post rude comments, spend hours a day talking
about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a day
talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for
their opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone
to fit into their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw
a temper tantrum.
To these people I say
grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the
web is a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am,
or what I do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my
hair, or whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else.
It's really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and
nasty site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine.
That means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like
it if I'm bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go
somewhere else. Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too
fucking bad, don't read them. Somewhere along the line, someone
forgot this simple fact: Live and let live Don't like me,
cool, fine, whatever, I don't care. This journal is NOT for
you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or fame or anything
stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and express
myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't, it
doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about
it.
*gets off soapbox*
: : welcome to giveneyestosee.com : :
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M. Turner
Po Box 1484
Elfers, FL 34680
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Saturday, October 07, 2006
Sad and Hurting In a bad mood but I lack the energy to write down the whys. It's all little shit anyway, but it adds up.
My depression is looming too. It's not here exactly; it's waiting in the spaces between the moments; it's in the pause from one thing to another. But it's building. Like some tidal wave surging towards the point where it smashes down and smothers everything in it's path. I feel it and I try to push it aside, but it's growing. I find myself having these crushing fragments of absolute sadness. Where my body aches and trembles under the weight of it. It flashes over me, never fully taking hold but still leaving me on an emotional roller coaster. In those moments I hurt so bad. I want to sob. Then it receeds enough so I can get through that minute; that hour; that day - but only just.
I'm just so very, very sad. And hopeless. I can't foresee anything changing. It's just all the sameness; the constant beating down of life and there's nothing I can do to improve my situation. I'm powerless and hurting all the time and I just can't face knowing it's been this way for years and will continue to be this way forever. Despite what anyone says. Despite the platitudes we all know are bullshit. It is and it's not going to magically change.
So I am in this place of sorrow. Feeling the depression slink through the spaces inbetween, knowing it will find its way to the forefront and suck me down yet again.
