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There are people on the net that have nothing better to do with their time
then be nasty to other people online. They post rude comments, spend hours
a day talking about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a
day talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for their
opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone to fit into
their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw a temper tantrum.
To these people I say grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the web is
a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am, or what I
do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my hair, or
whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else. It's
really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and nasty
site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine. That
means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like it if I'm
bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go somewhere else.
Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too fucking bad, don't read
them. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot this simple fact: Live
and let live Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care.
This journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and
express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't,
it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
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Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Reality That's Not Real
It's so odd. When you have a dream and within the dream there's something diferent which seems perfectly normal in that setting. It's so "normal" that when you wake up, it leaves colorings on your mind and you can actually, momentarily forget that it wasn't actually part of the real, waking world. For example, last week I had a dream in which I had two rows of teeth on the top. One right behind the another, exactly the same, just doubled. And I remember in my dream that I was poking around at the root canal tooth with my tongue and recalling it was in the second row, back top left tooth. Hours later after I woke up, I ran my tongue along my teeth and for a moment, it felt odd. It was as if having one row of teeth was a bit of a surprise. I pondered at it a second and realized it was because the "reality" of the dream was so "real" that I forgot for that brief time, the sensation of two rows of teeth was merely from a dream. Oftentimes in my dreams I know how to levitate. Not full out fly - those are different dreams - but hover. It's so natural and it's so insinctual that when I wake up I feel like I could roll right out of bed and do with as easily as walking. The feeling persists for long periods of time and it's part frustrating and part disappointing that there's such a conflict between what one part of my mind "knows" and the other. Part of me does know how to do it but another part knows it's impossible. It's an odd sensation and poses again the question of the reality of reality. Which is more real and why? What makes my dreamscape the work of fiction and how do I know that my dreams are nothing more then windows into knowledge I willfully deny myself in the waking reality? My dreams are often rather normal; events and places that aren't overly fantastic. But there's always things about them which are just outside the realm of the waking world's limitations. And those fringe elements of my dreams feel as much a part of who and what I am as anything in the waking world. They cling to me in ways I can't fully articulate and they make up the sum total of my world. I just wish I could better bring into harmony those two aspects; allow for more seamless blending of the two. I really feel like there are answers to mysteries there and that if I only could understand how they relate, I could bring them from phantoms in my mind, to birth in the physical.
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