28 year old
Pagan female who lives in Florida with her guy and two cats,
loves Disney, reads fanatically, tinkers in photography and
believes growing up is overrated.
There are people on the net that have nothing better to do
with their time
then be nasty to other people online. They post rude comments, spend hours
a day talking about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a
day talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for their
opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone to fit into
their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw a temper tantrum.
To these people I say grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the web is
a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am, or what I
do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my hair, or
whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else. It's
really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and nasty
site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine. That
means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like it if I'm
bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go somewhere else.
Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too fucking bad, don't read
them. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot this simple fact: Live
and let live Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care.
This journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and
express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't,
it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
Tooth
Drive:
I need to
raise over $850 for critically needed dental
work. I'll be listing my hand made
jewelry, bracelets,
earrings, necklaces and horns
for sale to try to raise the desperately needed funds.
Every order helps. I can accept paypal payments at
webmaster@giveneyestosee.com
or check/money orders at:
M. Turner
PO Box 1484, Elfers, FL 34684
Thank you for your help and support.
I've also set
up a
tooth fund for anyone
wanted to donate without purchase.
Need a
good webhost?
Try
DreamHost. Use
my linkI'll get a
referal credit which goes straight into the Tooth Fund
as well.
The Line Between the Real and Unreal I missed work today. A combination of factors made me call in this morning with the good-intention of going in for the afternoon instead. But it didn't work out that way. Head, fatigue, stomach issues - they all just conspired against me en mass.
Thing is, I spent a lot of the day sleeping. That kind of uncontrolled loss of consciousness you get when your body just says, "enough!" But I don't know if it's from the lack of sleep the last few weeks, or how much I had today, a combination of the two or something else entirely, but I don't know what's real from today and what's not.
I am still dazed and disoriented. I feel like I was hallucinating rather then dreaming. Things happened that I assume must have been a dream but I didn't know I was asleep at the time so I'm slowly trying to piece together where the borders of waking and sleeping are still.
For example. I could have sworn that Love came home this morning. I clearly remember he came in and laid down, waking me up. I asked him what was wrong and why was he home? He told me that he wasn't feeling good so he came home for the day. I told him that made two of us and we'd rest together. I remember curling up next to him and us both going to sleep.
But of course, that didn't happen. I didn't even speak to him on the phone until around 2pm. But though I know logically it didn't happen, I'd still swear it did. In my mind, it was real.
Other little things like I remember getting a surprise of a few books off my amazon wishlist from an online friend. I remember seeing the books and being really happy because books cheer me up so much. I remember opening the package and I remember being mad that the UPS guy left them on the door without having me sign for them - especially since I was home. But I guess that didn't happen either.
I also had problems all day with hearing things. Mainly people talking. But I've been alone all day and there weren't even any electronics on. At one point, I was sleeping and I woke up because I thought someone was leaving me a message on the answering machine. I clearly heard a man say the words, "hey there!" I fumbled for the phone thinking the ringer was off and that's why I hadn't heard it ring, but it was on. And I looked at the caller ID and no one had called. I know I wasn't dreaming yet because I'd just laid down 15 minutes before and yet...I heard someone. And that was only the most distinct of the times. I remember hearing other pieces of things like a very faint radio where you hear it's sound but you can't quite make it out or give any information on it. On-and-off all day.
So my entire day is lost in this odd haze. I really feel like I'm still not sure what was real and what wasn't today. I really feel like it just all blended together until I can't find the seams. I wonder if this is what it feels like to be crazy? To be schizophrenic? Because it's horrible. I'm sure I'll feel more normal again tomorrow, but in the meantime, this day has been uncomfortable. Everything feels wrong, and I feel like I'm not even fitting in my skin properly. I've got this lagging sense of confusion and I have wonder if I'll wake up tomorrow and find I never really wrote this entry. *brr* It's a terrible sensation...
