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There are people on the net that have nothing better to do with their time
then be nasty to other people online. They post rude comments, spend hours
a day talking about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a
day talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for their
opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone to fit into
their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw a temper tantrum.
To these people I say grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the web is
a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am, or what I
do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my hair, or
whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else. It's
really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and nasty
site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine. That
means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like it if I'm
bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go somewhere else.
Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too fucking bad, don't read
them. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot this simple fact: Live
and let live Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care.
This journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and
express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't,
it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
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Friday, March 10, 2006
Early Morning
I made it in this morning though I am still dealing with lingering nausea. It comes in waves and my stomach is definitely not happy with me. And though I felt like I was pretty rested when I got up, almost an hour into my day and I already feel like I've pulled an all-nighter. Mornings are very hard on me. The alarm going off at 7am to me is like 3am to most people. It's dead center in the middle of my sleep cycle. And no matter how many years I've heard the old, "you'll get used to it" line, it's just untrue. I have always had an inverse circadium rhythm and no amount of forcing myself on another sleep cycle gets me accustomed to the shift. Getting up in mornings is basically like working a third- or graveyard-shift for me. It just runs havok with my body. Anyway, I'm hoping just to get through the day. My stomach is quite unhappy with me and all I can think about it how long until lunch. I already feel the painful need to make a pitstop, but it's not something I can do here. Blarg. I wish I were sleeping right now so I wouldn't have to deal with mornings, my stomach or feeling urpy.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Stomach Revolt
Got up this morning. Got dressed. Putting on my makeup. Threw up. And again. And again... Despite having only consumed some water, my stomach ejected that and then wouldn't stop when there was nothing left. Spent most of the morning badly, badly ill. Collapsed and basically passed out for several hours after that. Ate and kept some toast down but still feel ill all day. My stomach is alternating between wanting to burn it's way out through my skin and bubbling up making me feel badly nauseous all over again. I have no idea why. No warnings last night, no immediate, obvious sickness this morning. Just suddenly, puke. I was sick. Frusated, depressed and really self-hating myself right now. Tired of dealing with my body's revolts and tired of it consuming my life.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Suddenly Busy
I was supposed to go in and temp for K. at my friend Rand's company next week; the 14th - 17th. Cool, I thought, because we could really use the cash. Well, today, I got a call from K. saying that the other lady, J. needed some help with a project. She wanted to know if I could come in tomorrow or Thursday, and work through the end of next week. Without thinking, I told her I could come in tomorrow. Problem is, I'm just not ready for it. Dammit. Besides the fact today is the first day in about a week I've been migraine-free, I've got stuff I needed to get done this week. I've got an order to get supplies for and make for example. I also have work to do on my full moon swap which is due next Tuesday. I should have told her Thursday, but I wasn't thinking. I was just trying to be accomedating. I'm thrilled they want my help. And I'm psyched at the extra cash I'll be getting. It's just physically, I need time to prepare for full days. I really can't do eight hour days; my body just doesn't let me. But I force myself through it for these temp days since it's normally only a couple days and I can then collapse and deal with the painful aftermath for the next few weeks. So it's just daunting and a little frightening to realize I have to get up tomorrow morning and be in there. I have push through three days solid and then five more after that. It's impossible to explain how hard that is to someone who doesn't deal with chronic pain/fatigue, migraines and digestive issues. Most people assume, "lazy" or some such because it's thing they can't see. Anyway, just a little stressed. And it's basically time for me to start heading to bed since I need to get up so early. (Something else my body doesn't handle well.) This week isn't the normal lax week of waiting for the phone to ring. It's going to be more full, hands-on working on a project. So I'll need to be a lot busier pretty constantly through the day. I just know that I can't trust my body and I can't count on things to be ideal. Hell, I can't count on them to be good when we have plans for something like Disney. Last time we went for Love's birthday, I got really sick while we were there for a couple hours. So bad, Love wanted to leave early. It's not just work situations. It's just how much physically I can do any given day. Oh well. I'm sure there will be a lot of people who don't understand and who'll critize this; who'll say that millions of people do jobs every day and that I should just stop complaining. Believe me, I'd trade in a moment good, solid, dependable health with a full time job, for being chronically ill and unable to work any day. I'll be away tomorrow and if I'm too tired in the evening, I might not really get to posting for a few days. If I don't post, it's because I'm too tired/sore/fatigued/brain dead to. But I will try and will eventually. Wish me luck. It's a long stretch ahead....
Flooring Done
So the new kitchen vinyl is done. Though it's weird, he seemed to remove some small parts but generally just put the new floor down ontop of the old one. Strange. I've been able to go bathe as well. *happy dance* Life is always better when you're clean. Thing is, the new kitchen vinyl is not the same as the old one. So it doesn't match the bathroom flooring any longer.  Here's the old floor that's still in both bathrooms.  Here's the new floor in the kitchen. Same colors, smaller print. Busier pattern. Just...odd. I wonder if they didn't carry the old one anymore or something? I mean, it's a pretty generic pattern. Seems like it shouldn't be that hard to match. I'm going to have to call the office and make sure they know it doesn't match. Not that I care exactly, but I don't want it becoming an issue later on. You can never cover your ass when dealing with apartment management enough. So that's my exciting day. Need to go blow dry my hair now but I wanted to report it's done. Huzzah. TTFN
Waiting Game
So today, they're supposed to come out and replace the vinyl floor in the kitchen. It's got a bad seam that's ripped and splitting apart. The office told me last week to expect them out here on Tuesday. Ok, great. It's Tuesday. Where the hell are they? Last night, we cleaned up the kitchen and moved everything off the fridge. They're going to have to move it out of the way to replace the vinyl. I can't do anything until they show up. We have a privacy lock on our door; a deadbolt that only works on the inside of the apartment. This lock is on all day since I'm here by myself. It keeps anyone from coming in - even maintenence and people who have a key. Well, I can't take a shower or anything until they're done. Because if I lock the door and they show up, it won't get done today. Now I'm stuck sitting around waiting for them to arrive. Oh jeez. And as I'm writing this, they do. Or he rather. It's only one guy. Alright, well, I hope it goes quickly since (a) I hate being alone in an apartment with a strange guy and (b) I'm utterly in need of a shower, my hair is in a messy, dirty bun and I'm still wearing my flannel pj bottoms. Bleck. I don't care who it is, I hate looking like some bum in front of people. Ew. He just moved the stove out and it was nas-tee under there. Plus, two cat toys. *laughs* Oh well. I clean but I certainly can't be expected to move my stove now can I? Uncomfortable couple hours now. Where I have to hang out but not be in the way but not be overly anti-social even though I am. Heh. Joy. Wish I had a friend to hang out with me. I don't want no one here but I also don't want to be here alone.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Ow. Head
It's been a bad few days. The head's just not letting up. I've been dealing with a low-grade but constant migraine pretty much since Thursday. It gets a little better, then it gets worse again. Nothing's helping. My eyes ache something fierce and I'm having an extremely hard time concentrating at all. We hit a big art festival today which was cool (and free) but my head's kinda kept me in a foggy, painful cloud. My neck is knotted horribly and is so tight it's like someone put screws in there and overtightened them. Ow... Anyway, the moniter is actually burning my eyes so I need to stop typing now. I'm doing much of it with my eyes closed so if it's all wonked, sorry. Oww...
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