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Blogroll Me!
There are people on the net that have nothing better to do
with their time
then be nasty to other people online. They post rude comments, spend hours
a day talking about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a
day talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for their
opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone to fit into
their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw a temper tantrum.
To these people I say grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the web is
a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am, or what I
do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my hair, or
whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else. It's
really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and nasty
site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine. That
means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like it if I'm
bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go somewhere else.
Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too fucking bad, don't read
them. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot this simple fact: Live
and let live Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care.
This journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and
express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't,
it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
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Friday, April 15, 2005
Exhausted
Tired and frazzled. Worn out, drop-down beat. It's been a insane two days that feels more like two weeks. Ugh. edit: ps this means I haven't had two minutes on the pc in the last few days and most or all of you could have had a limb fall off and I'd be clueless. don't expect me to get caught up for a few days on, well, everything.
~ flowers bloom by Memory and Dream
at 4/15/2005 11:53:00 PM ~
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Thursday, April 14, 2005
Quick Update
Love's home. The surgery went fine. In fact, what appeared to be torn cartilage on the MRI turned out to be an abnormal band of a fatty type tissue. An easy removal and a quicker recovery. Problem is that the poor guy's very sick from the anesthesia. He hasn't been able to take his first at home painkiller because he can't keep anything down. He slept some and is dozing on the couch (where I figured if he can sleep, there's no real point in moving him back to the bed at the moment) so I hope it'll calm down. I left a message with the dr's office, but so far, they're not getting back with me. *sighs* Anyway, it's good news and he's doing ok. Except for the queasiness but I'm hopeful once the rest of the anesthesia leaves his system, that will get better. Meanwhile, my poor head is killing me and I'm just beat. The lack of sleep and the worry have caught up with me. I think I might try to doze a smidge while he is too. Heh. Thanks for everyone's thoughts. *smiles*
~ flowers bloom by Memory and Dream
at 4/14/2005 04:10:00 PM ~
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The Waiting Begins
Between the sleeplesness of my anti-inflamatory and worry over today's surgery, (and Love's massive snore fest last night), I didn't get much sleep. But he's there at the hospital now. So, all we can do is wait. They said it'll be about noon at least before he'll be out. Thankfully, she said the proceedure itself should only take about a half hour. The rest is time to get him knocked out and then post-recovery. They'll call so I know when to head back over there. Better to wait here then in some lobby. So yeah. I'm more nervous then he is. But I love him of course and I'm a worry-wort as we all know so I can't help it. I'm sure everything will be fine, he has a very good doctor and a strong prognosis. But you know how it is... Anyway, I'm going to rest a little since the rest of the day might be a bit hectic. Just had to say something since I feel about ready to burst. (And the waiting has just begun.)
~ flowers bloom by Memory and Dream
at 4/14/2005 08:48:00 AM ~
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Wednesday, April 13, 2005
A Literal Warm Fuzzy!
I had a great mail day yesterday. An unexpected package arrived and I had to dedicate an entry to it because it's so nice. Phoe of ptm designs who is an absolute sweetheart, sent me a lovely, handmade scarf.  The colors are so pretty! Blues, greens, purples, some burgandy mixed in - it's so rich and jewel-tone.  It's all long and cool and looks so neat! (Ignore the bad hair and the fact I'm wearing my glasses in the photo.  As you can see, I was having problems getting a shot. This one I triggered accidentally. It wasn't the first. My camera has a sound activation so you can delay and clap or something to trigger it. But the sensitivity was set too high and it kept going off when I was trying to put the camera down. See, a few weeks ago or so, she had posted some images of things she'd knit. One was a purse with this fabric. I complimented her on how nice the colors were and said it'd make a nice scarf. The variations in the color just seemed like it'd lend itself nicely. We joked though that I don't get a lot of months here in Florida to wear a scarf. Then a few days later I laughed and posted again and told her that in the irony of ironies, we had a cold snap for a couple days right after I said that. Well, you might know, I had an entry back at the end of March where I said simply, "I need a pick me up." So when the package arrived, in the letter, she mentioned it. But Phoe, you were wrong. It's exactly the kind of pick me up I needed. *smiles* She also sent a very cool scent locket and a bpal scent. So sweet. But the scarf is just so fun. I love it. I think next time I go to the movies I'm going to wear it just for the hell of it. It's always cold in there anyway!  I, being a crafty person, absolutely cherish when someone else crafty makes something for me. Especially when it's a crafty thing I don't know how to do. It's just great.So anyway, just a bright bit of cheer in an another wise gloomy journal of late. And I wanted to thank her for her kindness and the coolness of sending it to me. Ok, back to housecleaning. Love's surgery is set for 8am (ack!) tomorrow morning and there's a lot still to do. Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and well-wishings.
~ flowers bloom by Memory and Dream
at 4/13/2005 04:17:00 PM ~
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Knee Surgery
No, not me, Love. Tomorrow, he's going in to fix the badly torn cartilage in his knee. Four hours of surgery. Oy. After that, he's home for a week to recover. So I may or may not be around because of course, I'll be taking care of him. If anyone can spare a moment to send good wishes his way for a successful surgery tomorrow, I'd appreciate it. I know that I tell him everything will be ok and not to worry, I admit, I am a little scared. Four hours being under for surgery is a long time. It's considered out-patient but still... I worry he'll be in pain, I worry about getting him around (I'm a tiny woman; he's twice my size!), I worry about the healing process and the risks and everything. I know there's a huge success rate and that if it all goes well, he won't have the pain in his knee ever again, but it's still worrisome. Anyway, I didn't mention it before because he really hates his personal life online but I guess as it gets closer, I just want to let someone know what I'll be doing and what my worry will be focused on. I just love him and want him to be ok. I just hope this week isn't a bad recovery and that it'll be over before we know it. That's it from Casa M right now. Need to clean up the house and get everything prepared for tomorrow.
~ flowers bloom by Memory and Dream
at 4/13/2005 11:44:00 AM ~
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Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Update and Relief
What a long day. The short version: doesn't seem to be a serious problem at the moment. Read on for the full version. Didn't sleep last night. Woke up at 6am. Called the office at 8am. Got a 10am emergency appointment. Got sick (despite nothing in my stomach.) Generally felt like crap. Mom got here late - almost 10am. Took forever to get up there so got in at 10:30am. Proceeded to sit. And sit. And sit. Wasn't until 12:30pm that I was finally called in. Took two x-rays of the tooth. One of the other doctors - a very nice and very pregant woman - came in since the main dentist was in sugery today. She looked at the x-rays and my mouth. She removed some cement that was lodged down inbetween the teeth and under the edge of the temporary crown. (Which hurt!) And she pointed out the debris on the x-ray. The good news is though that she said it doesn't look like there's any sign of infection. There's no problem with the root at the moment. There's no cracking or anything. She said it just looks like the gums are inflamed. Most likely a combination of the cement debris and just for the level of aggressive work they had to do on the tooth. She said it's not uncommon to have days where it doesn't hurt and then days where it's sore. So long as it doesn't get worse, I'll be just fine. Keep doing what I'm doing. Take tylenol (regular! I only took the tylenol 3 [with codine] the very first night) every few hours as needed; rinse with warm salt water, avoid eating on the side so it doesn't aggravate it, keep taking the antibiotic and take the new anti-inflamatory she gave me. The bad news is that it's actually a steroid. Methylprednisolone. And the first day's worth I have to take SIX pills. Day two, it's five; day three it's four, etc. Six days total. Hopefully, ontop of my already upset system from the antibiotics, it won't make me more sick to my stomach. (Did I mention how much my stomach gets mad when I'm on antibiotics?) Anyway, so long as it stays the same or gets better, everything is a-ok. She said it looks fine still and there's no sign of anything which would indicate there's a root problem. Looks like it's just a severe irritation. But thank goodness! She said it was good I came in to get it looked at and it was definately the right thing to do. But, everything should be ok and we're still on course for the perm crown on the 27th. I am just going to have to deal with the ache in my jaw/gums and take some regular tylenol if I want to relief the pain. So it's antibiotic 4x a day, my Pill 1x a day, tylenol as needed AND now my steriod anti-inflamatory 6x a day weening down to 1x a day for the next six days. Oy. That's a HELL of a lot of pills. I'm just so relieved though. The debris was probably a huge source ofthe pain. And something I never would have been able to get at or even know is there. It's just so great that it was something so small. Whew. For once, it's all anti-climatic in a good way.
~ flowers bloom by Memory and Dream
at 4/12/2005 03:47:00 PM ~
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Sick With Worry
I'm just sitting here waiting for my mom to get me. I have an emergency dentist appointment at 10am. My dentist is in surgery today but one of the other two in the practice will see me. Yesterday I got sick. Had a blueberry muffin from my local supermarket bakery and lost it within a few minutes. I think it was bad. It made me sick the majority of the evening. Just miserable upset stomach. I'm not the type to throw up - ever. The fact that I couldn't stop it leads me to think it was somehow bad. Then this morning, I get up (after no sleep) and as I'm getting ready, I get sick again. Only this time, I haven't even eaten anything. So there's nothing to throw up. Which doesn't stop my stomach from trying. Miserable. I think there's something wrong with me. I don't know if it's residual food poisoning (though I ate last night and my stomach settled down and none of last night's food came back up) or if it's related to the pain in my mouth, or if it's the antibiotics screwing with my stomach or what, but something clearly isn't right. 6am this morning I woke up. And realized part of the reason was how painful my jaw/gums had gotten. The tylenol had clearly worn off in the night. I took two more but it wasn't until about 6:30am that it kicked in. I basically didn't start getting back to sleep until I had to get up to call the dentist. I'm just worried. It wasn't supposed to be like this. And I don't know what they're going to say. I don't even know how they're going to know what is causing the pain. I don't know if they're going to be numbing me up and drilling around again or not. How much time and pain am I in for today to get rid of this damned pain? Anyway, I'm just miserable. And so defeated. I feel like I've lost before the race even started.
~ flowers bloom by Memory and Dream
at 4/12/2005 09:20:00 AM ~
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Monday, April 11, 2005
Differentiating Pain
Maybe I spoke too soon. Friday everything was great. Narry a whiper of pain in my mouth. I figured it was over and I was on my way to the [perm] crown on the 27th. But then Saturday, there was a little ache. A twinge. No worries I thought and took some regular tylenol. Sunday, the twinge had changed to a dull ache. A soreness in the gums and jaw. Today, this morning, as Love got up to go to work, it hurt again. And still does. I don't think it's the tooth itself though (which, of course, is the worry), but rather the gums and jaw. Whyever would it be so sore though the last few days when it was without any hurt (besides a mild bruised sensation) the very day after the work was done? The only thing I can think of to explain it is perhaps I am grinding my teeth, or otherwise biting and clenching my jaw in my sleep. I was half awake this morning and the vague notion that I had just been biting down was in my head. I don't know though if I dreamed it, or if I really was biting down on nothing. It would explain the pain though today but I don't know how to explain it the last two. ... the floor falls away from me ... I've since called the dentist and explained everything. They want me to come in tomorrow on an emergency appointment to get it checked out. She said that the pain wasn't normal or at least, I should be having it. I don't know what it could be now. I mean it could still be a root canal issue though I'm hopeful since the pain is not localized to the tooth that perhaps I can yet escape that fate. It could be an abscess I suppose though it doesn't look enflamed or swollen to me. It could be maybe an infection starting that the antibiotic I'm taking isn't strong enough for. I don't know what it is, I'm just trying to come up with explainations for the pain. It was fine on Friday. I felt not only a lack of pain, I felt good. And now... I have to go back in. And I don't know why. Gods, I'm scared. I just thought it hurt a little. I only called to find out really what I should do to manage the dull ache, not at all thinking they'd want to see me again... I wasn't expecting any of this. I thought I was in the clear. Now I don't know what's going to happen. And it terrifies me.
~ flowers bloom by Memory and Dream
at 4/11/2005 01:03:00 PM ~
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