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Blogroll Me!
There are people on the net that have nothing better to do with their time
then be nasty to other people online. They post rude comments, spend hours
a day talking about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a
day talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for their
opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone to fit into
their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw a temper tantrum.
To these people I say grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the web is
a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am, or what I
do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my hair, or
whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else. It's
really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and nasty
site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine. That
means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like it if I'm
bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go somewhere else.
Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too fucking bad, don't read
them. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot this simple fact: Live
and let live Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care.
This journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and
express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't,
it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
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Thursday, January 06, 2005
Cold
Ever have one of those days were you just can't get warm? It's 73F outside right now and it was hotter earlier. (Pushing near 80F.) But all day, I'm just chilled. My hands are cold, my feet are cold IN their socks and my skin is chilled. I just can't seem to get warm. I hate that feeling. You wrap the blanket around your legs and arms and if one hair's width isn't covered it feels like it's ice. My head's been bothering me. Not just today (though it has today), but for the last week or so. On and off I can't seem to get fully rid of migraines or what feel like the precursor to migraines. My eyes feel blurry and like I can't see right. No matter how much I rub at them, the feeling doesn't seem to go away. It's just not a good day. I have so many little things I need to do but I either can't do any of them (lack of money, lack of transportation) or simply don't feel like it (lack of energy or motivation, not feeling well enough to focus my attention.) Was reading some scary things last night on fillings, mercury poisoning and conditions like chronic fatigue as a result to sensitivities and toxicity of the metals. Which makes me wonder not just about my fillings (I have two and one of them has been cracked open for over two years now - probably more like three) but about chronic fatigue and such in general. How do you know if you have a problem? I knew when I was anemic (which I suppose I could very well be again seeing as I haven't been able to get a CBC for like a year and a half now and I'm supposed to get it checked at least once a year) because a single finger-prick could show clearly yes or no. Something chronic though that's more subtle and less easily found...how do you know? I mean there's got to be more scientific rational beyond just, "I feel tired all the time and I'm otherwise in normal test ranges." The illness is difficult to diagnose, in part because fatigue is a very common, subjective symptom found in many illnesses. "Fatigue can denote problems with muscle weakness, exhaustion ... mental tiredness ... or lack of motivation," says Johnson. Most doctors today establish a diagnosis by ruling out all the other diseases, she adds. Which is all fine and dandy except if you don't have medical insurance - like I haven't for years now - you can't get any kind of testing, let alone test to rule out other things first. It's all so vague. With no real course or treatment or anything to do to make it get better - if that's even what it is. I don't know. I don't feel like I know anything anymore. I don't even know what's supposed to be normal. Maybe everyone feels like this all the time. Unable to hold their eyes open; sore, achy, constantly feeling like they're at the onset of getting sick but never manifesting any actual "cold" or "flu" symptoms. Tired after even ten hours of sleep. Falling asleep uncontrollably while on the couch. Fogginess of thought and just utter inability to get anything done. Maybe it's normal and I just don't handle it as well. It just doesn't seem right though that a 27 year old woman would be able to just pass out basically sitting at her computer chair - like I could right this moment - after ten hours of sleep, eating regularly and not having had any strenuous excerise... seems wrong. My get up and go got up and went and left me behind. It seems like forever ago.
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