As usual, everything falls apart. The ground slides out from under me. And I'm left on the shit end of someone's lies, abuse and bull.
I have been so upset today I can't even talk about it. Suffice to say that it's another point in my life where people are fucking me over - joyfully - and getting away with it because I can't do anything about it.
All the things the manager of the apartment promised (because of the mold situation and their utter lack of addressing the problem) she now states she never agreed to. All the ways that we were possibly going to just barely eek out a chance to move with only borrowing minimal money is pretty much shot to hell.
And we're now faced with pretty much being homeless. Because we'll never get approved at this point, never have the couple thousand to move, and we'll end up facing eviction in our current apartment because of her changing her mind and fucking us over.
To say that things are unbelievably bad with no way out is an understatement. To say I've spent the entire day crying wouldn't begin to sum the depth of just how bad I feel and how utterly, completely hopeless I am. I literally need about a thousand dollars in the next 24 hours or we'll be facing eviction. And we have no place to go and no chance of having the money to move even if we did.
I literally don't know what we're going to do. All I can think about is how desperately I want to die because I just can't take it anymore. I can't take all these years where I get beaten to the point of breaking without any better days and without any hope of the positive to come my way. I can't do it anymore, I really can't. The world hates me and wants to crush me so why don't I just let it kill me? It'd make things so much easier for everyone.
~ castles of sand by Memory and Dream
at 9/9/2004 01:34:47 AM ~
~
