I think I've just been hiding from the world a little bit. I didn't even turn on my computer today until now when I felt guilty for not checking my mail and my site.
Love didn't feel well today; all sick to his stomach and he ended up staying home from work. I was supposed to call Kush's old vet today to try to get some information in the on-going Gracie saga but I never got around to it. There's really no excuse, I just didn't.
I'm in one of those states of mind I guess where I just can't bring myself to interact with the world. I want to hide in my shell. It's like a social anxiety, except I don't have it normally. Sometimes I think when I get low and more depressed then normal, the fact that I live like a hermit in my apartment and never leave is damaging to my psyche. I totally want to withdraw from the world and it's like, physically painful - actually stresses me out and puts my stomach into knots - to even think about something as small as making a phone call. It sucks but at the same time, it's so large and looming, I can't get past it.
Poor Gracie. We don't know what's going on. $55 in vet visits, run-around by the group we adopted her from and still we don't know what's wrong with her and we don't know if she's safe to bring out of the one small bedroom she's been living in since we brought her home Sunday. The petstore vet said he thinks its a fungus. Shelter woman says her vet says that it's most likely not and that instead, it's some thing relating to the strength of the sun in Florida (not quite cataracts but that type of UV damage). She also first promised she could get the $30 drops for $8 so we didn't open them or start using them. Then she said that her vet said they wouldn't help anyway because if it is the uber rare fungus thing that the medicine needs to be made specially based on the results of the fungal culture. So, hence the reason I wanted to try to get some general info from my old vet. He's an hour away and I don't have money for another visit so I was hoping I could just find out who's lying and what's actually plausable in this situation.
But I don't know that they'd be willing to even give me info without an office visit. So it stresses me out - makes me feel like a confrontation - and so I don't want to even call. Thus I conviently forget until it's too late to do it.
So she may or may not be contagious. She may or may not need the $30 non-refundable eye drops. She may or may not need $150 fungal culture. And dammit, I'm already out $55 I didn't have to spend and she's still stuck in the one room not interacting with us, not getting used to the apartment and most importantly, not getting familier with Mika. Who, I might add has thrown up her dinner twice yesterday and her lunch this afternoon. Dammit.
It's just so much nicer if I hide away from the world and pretend it just doesn't exist.
~ castles of sand by Memory and Dream
at 8/26/2004 03:09:02 AM ~
~
