Fourth day in a row where I wake up ok, but as the day goes on, it feels like a migraine is looming larger and larger. Gods I can't deal with my head like this... I can only hope it's a background thing and doesn't come full-force because I won't be able to deal with it. Normally, it's like one then the day after I feel hesitant and worried that it might come back, but it never does. So it's crazy that so many days in a row it's been this way, lurking and getting worse as the day moves into evening. Just doesn't make any sense and I can't fathom any cause for this awful trend lately. All I know is that it needs to stop.

We and saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind today, just my Love and I. We were both interested in it but hadn't yet had a chance to go. First off, it's a very original, artsy and very well made film. It's just not at all mainstream and I think many people would hate it. It had the surreal feeling of Vanilla Sky and the disorientation of Memento. But it was powerful. Honestly emotional in this way that you could feel it and it made you hurt, down deep in the center of your chest. It's hard to explain. But it was dark and scary almost - this struggle he goes through trying not to lose what he thought he wanted gone. It makes you feel desperate to cling to your own memories and you realize that all those moments - the good, the bad; the ones which make you smile and the ones that make you cry - are all so vital and so much a part of us that losing them would be losing who we are.

The film is subtle and blunt at the same time. Scenes are distorted as in dreams and yet vivid and more real then life. You watch these moments; these memories of his and in the film, peice-by-peice of the background and set vanishes or goes blank. You can focus on them and watch slowly at first and then with greater speed, as it all fades out to nothing. You watch it feeling like Joel (Jim Carey pulling off a wonderful dramatic role) himself; trapped in the collapsing house of cards. It evokes a sense of desperation and a darkness more looming and final then death.

Came out of it very contemplative. The world outside seemed brighter and full of potential. It's a good movie which makes you not only think, but challenges your pereception and place in the world. I like it, and I recommend it, though I can see easily how some - perhaps many - would utterly hate it. It's one of those artistic films that's not so much about a story as it is about an experience.

Anyway, we started trying to repair part of the chipped paint on the car and it's been sitting awhile to dry. I need to head out there and see if I can smooth down the edges and try another coat. But I had to comment on the film while it was fresh in my mind. Huh. That's almost funny. Commenting about having the movie active in my memories when the film is about losing memories. An ironic and unintentional bit of almost humor there.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 4/4/2004 06:10:08 PM ~ ~