Just got done watching the Wednesday regulars - West Wing and Angel (which come on at the same time, but we record Angel with the DVR and watch it immediately after). Angel was celebrating their 100th episode. Cordie came back for it. And since I knew they axed her off the show (rather then the actress wanting to leave), I knew that meant this was a one-shot. Sure enough... *sighs* And it actually made me sad. It's like I don't really want to watch the show anymore now. I had gotten used to her not being there - I didn't like it, but I dealt with it. Now, being teased one more time with her and all her funny Cordie comments and then knowing that she'll never be back....it's depressing. And it makes me feel like the show has let the viewers down. People invest themselves, even just to the small degree of tuning in everyweek, in some way to a show. They ride with it's ups and it's downs. So it feels really low when they remind you of the higher days and how good things used to be. Things like that remind you that you tune in out of habit but that in honesty, you really used to like things better the way they were before. It parallels how I feel about West Wing. And I wonder if it's that I've grown up or if they've just left us behind. I think it's the latter. I think they abandonded us and left us standing on the curb.

There's a deeper current to this; about how things change and how we always remember what's come before in rosier shades then perhaps it really was. Though it can hold true for something as simple as a tv show as well. You find yourself waiting for them to come back; convincing yourself that they didn't really forget you, they just had something else to do. The little lies we tell ourselves so we can get through the day.

I don't know, but it made me sad. And I hate being reminded that some of those times past really were better and rosier like I remember them to be. Especially when I know those days won't come again.


In other news...another one's been caught in the web. It's addictive I tell ya. First you start reading someone's blog, then you decide to make your own. Next thing you know, there's a blog monkey on your back. Congrats and welcome to the wonderful world of babbling out peices of yourself to the digital void. Don't look back now.

Contemplative this evening. Guess it's better then the fog from this afternoon, but both leave me unsettled, incomplete and wanting for something I can't name. I need to let my Love use the net (our router's busted so only one can use the connection at a time right now) so I guess I'll close out.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 2/4/2004 11:18:37 PM ~ ~