I feel like I should write something since I can and I've missed that so very much, but as I sit here I find that there's very little I have (or desire) to say. I'm in such a funk right now that I don't know if I even want to try to work to pull myself out of it and the sobering fact of looming eviction on Wednesday makes it all the worse. It's like I just want to turn off my brain right now and just stop. I keep replaying over and over in my head all the things I feel I could do and none of them are feasable...I think of all the scoured classified ads and hours spent faxing resumes and how I'm no closer to a job then ever and things are so poor that no matter what, it's all too little, far too late... I want to sleep, but even that denies me as I wake through the night; tossing and turning and wishing I could just pass the time in oblivion. Don't think, don't be, just sleep forever.

And then I wonder why I bother to even write anything at all. Just me bitching at nothing and pouring out the same old words of sorrow and discontent to an audiance long ago bored of the show. And yet, nothing new I have to offer but my pain which is an old and long time compaignion of mine - one I've been saddled with and one I simply wish to leave me alone.

Whatever, I'm being a whiney bitch I guess...some lame ass loser blemishing the face of life. Joy of joys, I'm officially a waste of space, air and flesh who's now brought cause to waste bandwidth as well. Go me. Someone shoot me now; take me out of my misery and save my Love the burden of this useless sack of shit he's stuck attempting to support who can't even manage to support herself.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 7/14/2002 09:48:58 PM ~ ~