taken from a topic on my Embracing Mystery forum on the duality of nature and the question of the good versus the bad and how it resolves in one's self and nature. I really liked my reply - it just sorta came to me - and I think it's very honest not only to myself, but as a symbolic reality in people as a whole. Lately, I've been finding more and more out about myself and who and what I am. And, moreover, I've been accepting that...which is a very good thing.


Hrm. ok....let's see what ramble of thoughts I can put to this.

I understand what you mean about the conflicting urges. At my core; the soul of who I am, I believe I am Light. I serve at the pleasure of the Divine, happily, willingly, and with great joy. I am Her creation, and She is part of me. I am compelled to help, to give, to hurt for them - others, people - who are in need of help. To the extent they need it, I give of myself and infuse them with the Light of my being. It is not a sacrifice, it is my Duty and I accepted it so long ago I do not know any other way to exist.

On the surface of my being; the physical, the woman in the world, I've endured unbelievable amounts of pain, loss, and hurt - all at the hands of the very humans I help. And I hate them for it. I hate the way they harm me so willfully; the way they dismiss me; the way their arrogance Broke the world. I rage at them, I ache to harm them back, and I wade in the Dark that I might bring them to their knees in pain.

Somewhere in the middle is the merging of the two parts: the purity of my soul and the corruption of my flesh. I am both, each, and neither all in one. It is a singularity formed of a duality and there are no exact words to explain it better then that.

In my day-to-day, I react in both directions in different times. Sometimes my Light bursts forth and others, my Dark swallows up. It is the process of learning though that I believe I have this conflict - and, by the sheer act of addressing it and accepting it, I can find the balance to better experience and learn from it.

Never believe an angel or a vampire is a one-sided being. The highest choir of angel can bring wrath to smite the world while the cruelest vampire can bleed to save humanity. We are all more then the sum of our parts.

What does any of this mean? I do not know really, just that we must understand and accept both sides of ourselves to truly be ourselves.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 5/11/2002 01:05:35 AM ~ ~