Seriously though, it means I won't have net access, nor a place to go to get online excepting maybe at work, but since it's like my first week, I have no idea how they are about things like that and so will have to play it as it comes. My friend is going to lend me his laptop, but it will be purely for offline entertainment like games or offline journal entries to upload on the weekend when I get back. If I can get online and steal a few minutes of time from work - maybe on a lunch or after hours? - then I'll post and let everyone know how I'm doing. No matter what, I won't be able to access email since here in Tampa is the only place that's set to get it. If I'm silent for the duration of the week, don't hate me! I'll be back on Saturday. (well, probably Friday night actually)
Everyone keeps asking me if I'm scared about going - telling me how nervous they'd be in my shoes - and yet, I find myself more bothered by the idea of the yucky conditions of this place they're sticking me. *shudders* She made it very clear to say that it was old when she told me about it. I'm such a homebody though - I really need my own stuff, my own place, and the comforts of that to survive. I'm not the kind of person who could live out of hotels for a living. *shudders again* So, more then anything, I'm just annoyed at the fact I'm facing a week of icky non-M showers, bathroom, kitchen, places to sit, bedding, etc. All that stuff creeps me and my biggest fear is not how do I feel about being in Gainesville on my own in a new job, but more how do I feel about being uncomfortable 100% of the time! Arg!!
---train of current thought as I paused at the end of that last sentence....It's a college town. There's lots of libraries in college towns both on and off campus. Libraries have internet connections. I am technically still passable as college aged, so....hmm...maybe I can swing some internet time afterall. *just a thought*------
On top of all that, I'm worried about not being home to be there for Kush. My mom's going to have to care for him and all and that really sucks. He's my baby and I want to be the one there to help him anyway I can. *sad* I'm going to miss another week of his life (ontop of the almost three months already missed while staying with my sister) and right now, I'm panicked that's time I just don't have. I want to spend every single minute I can with him since now it's in my face how precarious it is. *sigh*
Something positive now?
I got to see my Love today. It was nice. *warm smile* He came over - my sister was out watching the Yankees game and apparently just missing a home run ball from her "hunka-hunka" Derek Jeter - and just the two of us hung out for awhile. Mmmmm.....it was so nice. I can't express how much he means to me or how much I still love him. I can't imagine a world without him in it and it was nice that he came over to see me and wish me well for this week. I know that he knows how stressed I am about this whole thing - and I know that he was just as upset to hear about Kush-ka as I was, although he's been encouraging me to be positive - so it was nice that he took the time to try to ease some of the stress. I guess sometimes you just need to talk to someone that you are that comfortable with - someone that just doesn't come along everyday you know? - to make you feel better about the choices you make. Just as writing this journal is comforting to me in a way I can't quite explain, so too is just spewing out all the things to him that have been running circles in my mind. Just getting them out of my head...
Anyway, it was nice and I wanted to make a point to thank him for thinking of me and knowing that it'd make me feel better about the coming week. *smiles*
To recap
1. Offline and in another city this week to ~finally~ start job
2. Pissed that I will be living in icky, nasty conditions - my utter weakness if there ever was one: the inability to tolerate a "home" that's not MINE
3. Worried that I won't be around for Kush when he needs me most
4. Happy that I got to see my Love today - even if it was just to say bye for the week
5. I babble far too much for my own good.
Take care, behave, and for gods' sake - make sure to wash behind your ears!
{{out}}
~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream
at 6/24/2001 10:18:53 PM ~
~
